I’ve always been interested in composting. Partly because I garden and I would love to have a instant source of soil and I feel a little guilty throwing out my scraps after I’m done cooking. In my head I’m like “but can’t I just regrow […]
Month: December 2018
I have a really bad habit of replaying bad and negative events that have happened in my life. No matter if it’s from high school or last week my brain just loves to watch old movies. Every time one of those thoughts come up I […]
I have/had a drinking problem, I’m well aware of my tendencies. However it’s not as bad as everyone thinks. A few weeks back I was going to see a therapist a few weeks back to work through somethings.
When she found out how often I would drink (every day starting when I woke up) she asked if I considered my self an alcoholic. I told her I would meet her in the middle and say I showed symptoms of alcoholism because I didn’t have withdrawal symptoms (like shaking or irritable )when I wasn’t drinking. She asked, “Well how do you know if you never stopped?”
That’s where it all started
I don’t like not having answers to questions about myself and that was one question I did not have an answer to. So two bottles later I decided to cut out drinking.
I was fine, I missed drinking. I was just going through the motions with work and I would come home. I didn’t want to really go out or talk to people. On the 2nd day, my manager came and asked me if everything was ok because I was being robotic. Of course, I told her I was fine I couldn’t tell her I was drinking at work.
The headaches start, they’re mild, you hardly notice them but they are there. It’s been pretty steady since the second day. Maybe I do have withdrawals… Also, my depression as came back and that wasn’t cool I couldn’t even blame it on me sobering up.
I woke up basically and I realized where my unhappiness came from. While I don’t have the most stressful life, my job is a large part of my unhappiness because there’s hardly any work-life balance. So I feel like I’m always there, with people who are ok, but I’m not necessarily looking forward to seeing any of them, ever.
I have made it my week! I set new goals found a new passion and calling and I’m on my way. I do miss drinking and thought when the weekend hit the first thing I was going to do was go to liquor store and chug a bottle. Instead, I woke up and meditated, I cleaned my whole apartment and I’ve been working out.
I’m not going to continue down this road of avoiding alcohol forever. I will drink but just limit it to a few days a week like the weekend. I do see how my mental state has improved. So again moderation and maybe not grab a drink first thing in the morning lol.
Edit: I just want to mention today I drank 2 glasses of wine, and I still got a headache. So maybe it’s not from withdrawals.
Per my last post, you know that I’m sorta finding myself all over again. Without any help from outside sources. I was recently on my Instagram hardly posting and noticed how many inspiration pages I followed. Not like a “You deserve more” page but like […]
For a long time, as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to fit a mold. I wanted to be how everyone else was or thought I should look like. It was al I knew. When I was growing up it was in a “traditional” […]