Recently I’ve started therapy. Sometimes life gets really hard for me and shopping and friends laughs aren’t enough. I never thought I would get here but here I am.
I set up the appointment with my doctor on Tuesday a day I had nothing planned. I like to stew with my thoughts plus I didn’t know what type of condition I’d be in after the first time.
There were a series of forms I had to fill out that told her my family history with mental health and also a brief overview of any traumas I’ve experienced. I wrote each down and thought to my self ‘she’s going to think I’m so fucked up.’ But I had to be honest. If I feel any kind of judgment I can just leave, right?
Finally, the day came and I fussed over my outfit only to arrive and see myself in the elevator reflection thinking I look terrible.
I walked in the waiting room and it was full of natural light with hopeful messages all around. I didn’t know the etiquette here so I just sat down stayed off my phone and looked straight ahead. After a few moments my therapist came out and took me back.
We talked about her dogs (which are all huge and fluffy?) as she looked over my paperwork. As I thought she said you’ve been through quiet alot for someone who’s only 26. I smiled and said yeah.
We talked a bit about my past traumas and other things. I was surprised I only cried twice, but it was painful opening up old wounds. Once it was over I didn’t feel any better. I was happy I got something’s off my chest but I didn’t feel hopeful. As soon as I left I went in my car and cried and just drove around town eating and I voted early. When I went home I just watched TV and drank. Not the best but it’s how I cope.
Even though I didn’t leave happy. but I wasn’t hopeless and when I was crying I didn’t spiral down the depression shoot. I went out, took a break and spent more time out than I usually would.
So that’s good, right?
Have any of you been the therapy? What’s your views on it.